As is stated, “Healer, heal thyself”. It is through my work and daily practice that life’s ineffable truths are revealed. For this, I am grateful. Sometimes being aware of the opportunities for growth and refinement create the most anxiety. The “I know it” can fuel the resistance of actually breaking through to the other side where life loves. A deeper level of surrender must not only be accepted, it must unequivocally and unabashedly respected and carried forth in all ways, everyday. It is this way of being that has guided me through transmuting my core wounds, accessed higher truths and empowered me to move with greater ease and grace. With that said, life presents moments for me to deepen further into the womb of a greater stillness with an even more potent awareness.
One of the patterns that has cycled throughout the course of my life has been the giving away of my personal power and placing others before me. To some, it is viewed as selfish to honor one’s self. However, just like when an airplane is ready to depart, the flight attendant instructs us to place the oxygen mask on our self prior to assisting others. The same applies in life.
There is no coincidence that the inhale of the breath is called inspiration. When we open up to receive, we inspire our experience which gives us the life force to be able to share with greater ease and grace as the flow is not restricted. Throughout my life, I have restricted my own flow which has caused more damage than benefit.
Giving away our personal power comes in many forms. For me, it has been allowing others to control me out of their own fear and insecurities such as giving up friends and loved ones, giving up the pursuit of my passion/career, giving up activities that bring me joy and dimming my light. Along with that, I would hold back from expressing my feelings when hurt or not acknowledged out of fear of the conflict that would result, in order to keep the peace.
Interestingly enough, the onus is not on the other individuals; rather, it rests with me in honoring myself. There is something within that I must tune into and acknowledge versus pointing at someone else. Ugh!!! This is a form of self abuse and bred resentment and set me up for disastrous outcomes. I would ALLOW myself to be used, abused and taken advantage of. Though, let me assure you that this is ALL on me. I have a choice. I am fully able to honor myself and what serves me and doesn’t serve me. However, I either initiated, instigated or perpetuated the cycle to a degree. It doesn’t matter what anyone does to us; we have a choice as to how we react and what we tolerate. The truth is what we allow, we give permission to… to continue.
The mark of true healing is not to blame and point fingers, externalizing our journey; rather it is to take full, absolute responsibility and accountability for what we can control…. and that is only ourself. To control another’s journey is a lonely road that always comes back to rear its ugly head and keep the cycle repeating. I say NO to repeating that which no longer serves me and not speaking up for myself in matters of the heart, business or personal truth. A leader can not lead from fear of what others reactions may or may not be. A lover will never fully experience love if fear dispells its potency. One must lead from a space of absolute love knowing that all works out as intended; on purpose and on time. This is where true honor is and others respect it for it is solid and unwavering.
At 40 years old, I am learning this at a deep level and am fully ready, willing and committed to honoring this with compassion and firm resolve. For me, it is not about a “F&CK YES”, it is a loving yes. There is a tenderness that opens up versus an energy that amplifies the nervous system. Breathing into my personal truth, my single focus is on remaining true in the face of adversity, solid when the poop hits the fan, not wavering from my soul’s loving yes, committed to this with an emotional wisdom versus intellectual and strategic positioning based on fear, practicing the presence and being present in my practice.
Life and love are not games to be played; they are songs to be sung and experiences to be celebrated! It’s time to be a part of the choir and sing and dance in harmony without fear. I am grateful for life’s revealing and the work that is being presented. While some may see challenges as the end; to me they are the alchemical gold that allow me to look in the mirror and be a better version of myself. After all, I am the only one I see when I look in the mirror.